


Self Aware

by atreic



Category: The Holiday (2006)
Genre: Fourth Wall, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 21:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atreic/pseuds/atreic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda is starting to have worries about her time in England, and messages Iris to try and work out what is going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self Aware

_Welcome to HolidayHomeSwapChat. If you have any problems with your holiday exchange, HHSC puts you in touch to help you sort them out._

_Amanda has joined the conversation_

Amanda: Hi, Iris. Are you there?

_Iris has joined the conversation_

Iris: Hi Amanda! I’m here. Are you OK? I hope there’s nothing wrong with the property

Amanda: It’s not the property, exactly. It’s more… have you noticed anything odd?

Iris: What do you mean, odd? Everything’s lovely here. Your house is fabulous. The pool, the view, the gym, the neighbours…

Amanda: Well… Your brother came round the other week. After the pub. 

Iris: Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry. He stays most weeks. I’d entirely forgotten to tell him about the house swap.

Amanda: No, no, there’s nothing to apologise for. It’s been… it’s been wonderful. Really wonderful. But… well, don’t you think it’s odd?

Iris: Odd how?

Amanda: So he’s a widow with two small children who he loves more than anything else in the world, right? Yet once a week he goes out on the piss until he’s blind drunk and stays at your house. What’s he doing with the girls?

Iris: Err… well, I’m sure he’s got a babysitter. Or maybe my mum goes round there. He really loves those girls, Amanda, he wouldn’t do anything irresponsible. Even single parents are allowed a life!

Amanda: No, I’m not saying he’s bad. I’m just saying it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t join up. I mean, you’re his sister, and you’ve never thought this arrangement is odd until now?

Iris: Well…

Amanda: And we had a day… the most wonderful day. We went out for dinner and went for a walk and everything was perfect. Just perfect.

Iris: I’m very pleased for you. But I don’t see the problem?

Amanda: It was _perfect_, Iris. The weather, the food. And he got babysitting at a moment’s notice, and had no work commitments, and it was _perfect_. Don’t you think that’s odd?

Iris: Perhaps a little…

Amanda: And you should see the girls! They are the most angelic combination of cute charm and sweet cheekiness ever. They’re so welcoming and adorable. 

Iris: They’re sweet kids.

Amanda: They’re _storybook_ kids. I haven’t got any kids, and even I know kids aren’t like that 100% of the time. 

Iris: Well, perhaps you’ve just been lucky. 

Amanda: Ridiculously lucky. I’m not saying I’m not happy, just… Anyway, I wanted to check before I leapt to conclusions. Are you sure there’s nothing odd happening over there?

Iris: Well… there is Arthur

Amanda: The old Jewish guy who lives next door?

Iris: Yes, that Arthur. He’s a real sweetie. He’s got a whole new leash of life since I’ve been out here. 

Amanda: Really?

Iris: Yes, he could barely walk, and now he’s swimming, and walking again, and hosting parties, and having a whale of a time. They’re making a ‘this is your life’ event just for him!

Amanda: So an elderly man, with enough money to pay for the best healthcare in America, is nearly crippled until a bright plucky English girl smiles at him and makes him do two lengths in a swimming pool.

Iris: It is amazing what self belief can do. 

Amanda: Amazing. If we just imported 30 more sweet English girls we could have every octogenarian in America dancing the can can within a week with success rates like that. 

Iris: Are you being mean?

Amanda: No! I’m really happy for him and for you. But it’s odd. You’ve got to agree, it’s odd.

Iris: You’re right, it’s odd. In fact, this whole home exchange thing is odd. We sorted it out so quickly. I can barely remember it. I remember messaging you, and then the next thing, boom! I’m on the plane to California. Even in my manic moods, I’d be hard pressed to sort all that out in a day. The paperwork, the insurance, the travel… 

Amanda: You see what I’m saying?

Iris: And there’s Miles. He’s adorable, but I knew he was out of bounds because he was taken already. Then it turns out that his girlfriend is cheating on him. And not just cheating on him, but cheating on him outside the window of the shop we were in! 

Amanda: All a little bit too…

Iris: …convenient.

Amanda: You see it too!

Iris: I can’t believe they thought they’d get away with this! We’re intelligent professional women, we were bound to spot it!

Amanda: And we’d have spotted it sooner, if we hadn’t been so wrapped up in self pity because of our love life woes.

Iris: Of course, if it wasn’t for our love life woes, we probably wouldn’t be in this situation

Amanda: I’d go further. If it wasn’t for this situation, we wouldn’t have had our love life woes.

Iris: You think it goes right back?

Amanda: Yep. Think about it. Sleeping with his secretary? It’s such a cliché. 

Iris: And Jasper was such a two-dimensional bad guy. Why, he practically went Mwahahahaha and twirled his moustache every time he walked into the room. Damn it! I can’t believe I didn’t spot it until you pointed it out.

Amanda: Well, it’s not something you expect to happen.

Iris: Trapped in a Rom Com!

Amanda: We’re just characters in a film. It’s so ridiculous.

Iris: So what do we do now?

Amanda: Just because we’ve spotted it doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it. Being self aware doesn’t mean giving up life’s simple pleasures. It’s quite an opportunity, really.

Iris: You mean, in full knowledge of what’s going on we can continue to go along for the ride?

Amanda: I don’t see why not. It’s pretty lovely, really, to bounce from perfect moment to perfect moment and not have to worry about all the tedious logistics.

Iris: Hey, we could get everyone together and throw the most amazing party

Amanda: The champagne would never have flown so freely, never would children have laughed so merrily, it would be Christmas Spirit personified.

Iris: It’s a date! I’ll book my tickets and bring Miles. 

Amanda: I’ll tell Graham. 

Iris: Is it going to end?

Amanda: I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. Most things do.

Iris: I’m not sure I can cope with real life after this.

Amanda: I wouldn’t worry too much. You’ve made it this far, you can cope with most things life throws at you. And, as someone in the movie business, I know one thing about the endings of rom coms.

Iris: What’s that?

Amanda: They tend to be Happy Ever After. 

_Amanda has left the conversation_


End file.
